NICU update

Madi has been doing well.  Earlier this week her sodium levels were elevated so the had a water drip going constantly but her levels came back to normal, so they stopped that.  I couldn't stand it because it was keeping water in her belly so when it came time to eat, she was too tired or not motivated to eat, so her milk was put into the tube as well.  This set us back in the feeding progress. Today she finished two full bottles on her own and while I was celebrating that, I found out the doctor upped her intake another 4 mls, so they are really trying to push her drink more (which will probably mean more tube feeding).  Today I nursed her, but because we didn't know how much she actually got, we gave her a 30 ml bottle. I got her to take 15 mls but then she gave up.  The nurse put the other 15 in her tube, but within 5 mins, she threw up twice.  As much as I love nursing, I think I may refrain because the nurse thought we overfed her. They really need to measure exactly what her intake is because she has been 4 lbs 3 oz for a majority of the week.  Even though she isn't gaining, the good thing is she isn't losing any weight, so we are happy about that.  A few days ago the doctor thought her billirubin was increasing, but luckily, it came down again.  At this point, we are still unsure of when she will be released.  The nurses just love her though.  She has already had two art projects come home- most involve hand and feet prints.  There are only 2 babies in the NICU right now so she is getting a lot of attention and I think the nurses are coming up with projects to keep themselves from getting too bored.  I think they play dress up with her too because for a little baby, she has quite a bit of laundry everyday :-)

Daddy and Madi (3 days old 12/30)



Look how small she is compared to Matt's hand

She already has Daddy wrapped around her fingers.

Four days old 12/31- very tired from all the water

Six days old 1/3- here is her thoughtful pose

Her "enough pictures Mom" pose

Hiding her face from Daddy

She decided sleep was more important than smiling for this picture.  Matt can get her to smile though, but I haven't been able to capture it on camera. Of course it's just reflex, but cute nonetheless.

 It's been a very interesting experience visiting a baby in the NICU. There are so many emotions we go through daily, it's difficult to put them into the exact words but I believe there is a lot of ambivalence in play. On one hand, I am so grateful she is being cared for so well, but I am envious that someone else gets to feed her and bath her daily. The nurses are really accommodating and let me participate in whatever activity I am there for, but still, I don't get to do it 24/7 and even when I am there, I'm a bit nervous. There is guilt as well- I am not there for her. I am only up there 2-3 hours a day (if that with my cold), but we have been trying to have at least two visiting times where she is held, fed or cuddled by a family member. Of course, I have two other children so being up there for hours on end is not feasible, but there is guilt regardless. And when we do get to visit her, it's great, but shortlived. There is anxiety- I'm anxious to get her home, but at the same time, I'm a bit anxious about her coming home...can I handle a preemie? Finally there is this guarded optimism. She is doing well, but we really can't trust it because she is still not at the point where we can take her home and she may experience set back so we are emotionally prepping ourselves for that (just in case).  All I know is, I am waiting for the moment when she is big enough, healthy enough and home.