Sweet Caroline

I really needed this time to come to terms with Caroline's situation, however, the more I found out, the more it depressed me.  As soon as I got off the airplane, I headed to the hospital and I expected something different than what I saw.  I expected to see someone near death, but she just looked like she was sleeping. Her color was great and she was still radiant.  Her family was there and it brought back floods of memories.  I really believed she would hear my voice and get up and start cracking jokes again. I have shed more tears in the past week that I have in the entire year.  I know I don't speak to Caroline everyday, but I call weekly and never imagined she wouldn't be part of my life.  She always said she would move to Hawaii, California or wherever I ended up moving, but it never happened and now, it never will.

By the second day I saw her, she made remarkable improvement.  She was moving, her pupils weren't fixed and dilated and she was breathing over the ventilator.  Her family decided not to pursue taking her off life support and I really thought we were making progress.  However, by the weekend, she spiked a fever and once it subsided, didn't maintain those improvements, in fact, she worsed. 

I learned a bit too much during this visit too.  Too many stories came out that I wasn't ready to hear and made me realize I need to keep in touch with my friends more consistently, but at I was glad I got to spend some time with her.  I visited almost everyday, taking a day off for Mia's bday and a day to celebrate my Grandma's bday.  In all that time though, I only saw her husband once and only for about 1/2 hour.  I'm horrified by it and feel betrayed because I loved him and felt he was not the man I thought he was.  He promised to be with her during sickness and health and he was no where to be found.  Perhaps this is not he arena to be airing this, but she deserves better.  It has made me realize how lucky I am to have Matt.  I have also seen Caroline's mom in a whole new light.  When we were together, I was the mess and she was the rock.  It was heartbreaking to see a mom make a decision between life or death for her daughter and I just pray I am never in that situation.  It is amazing how strong mothers are though.  She kept praying and was utterly determined to make sure Brigid (Caroline's daughter) is well cared for in Caroline's absence.  I am in awe of these women who perservere in such dire situations.

As I write this, the family should be taking her off life support tomorrow. Caroline wanted her organs donated and I am happy that her organs will help other people live, but I would give anything right now to have her wake up.   I honestly thought my trip home would give me closure, but it hasn't.  There will be a big part missing from my life when she leaves us and I won't get to go to her funeral, (which is another reminder why I need to move closer to home). It has made me realize that I need pay close attention to my family's health, value my family and friends a bit more, make sure I have a living will and medical directive to spare my family those decisions and make sure I slow down to enjoy everything b/c you never know when it's your time. 

While we were in the hospital, I kept singing "Sweet Caroline" to her, but now I'm not sure I can hear that song anymore.

Celebrating Mia's Birthday

Mia got an impromptu birthday celebration because our family already had planned a Breeder's Cup party (watching the horse races), so we added in a birthday cake :-)  It was great to have everyone already together.  The family hadn't seen Mia since she was 6 weeks old, so everyone got a kick out of her personality.

My baby

The girls loved Uncle Mike and Aunt Cate (as always) and Makaela said she was going to "marry Uncle Mikey". Mia found a lot to bond with him over too :-)


Uncle Mike, Aunt Cate and Makaela

Mia in her usual stance (thumb in mouth, hand down someone's shirt),but she didn't want anyone else but Grandpa.

Mia is 1!

My Mia is 1 already! We hadn't expected to be in NY for her birthday, but this was the first time one of the girls got to spend their birthday with family, so it was so nice. Mia is a total Grandpa's girl, but Sammy (the dog) really loved Mia.

We also headed over to my stepmom's house to see her and my brothers. It was great to get the girls together with their uncles.

Making funny faces with Uncle Bobby

Uncle Ryan, Makaela and Uncle Bobby

The girls and Grandma Teri

Bathtime in Grandma's Sink

I haven been glued to Facebook and my cell phone awaiting updates on Caroline's status, so I decided to fly home when it was decided that she would come off life support.  We flew out and the girls were pretty good on the plane (then again, Makaela is a frequent flyer). However, Mia did poop all over me (thankfully it was at the end of our trip, but gross regardless). It was good for the girls to spend some time with my family while I was up at the hospital. Makaela apparently thinks she can only take sink "baths" at grandma's house, so here she is trying to be a baby in my mom's sink.  Definitely think she is getting too big though.  Mia, however, is a perfect fit.

Flexing with Uncle Joe

Halloween 2011

My entire team got into the spirit of Halloween today for our students. We all dressed up as puns, literary characters or idioms and the kids had to guess what we were. We got pretty clever. We had two costume changes and some examples were Russ taping a quarter on his back (Quarterback), Trish dressing in black with a stamp on her (blackmail), Terry's shirt that had ears sewn on it (I'm all ears), Desiree with hair coming out of her tank top and wearing a flower pot on her head (Harry Potter) and me wearing peppers on my shirt (Dr. Pepper). No one guess that costume, but they did my first costume. I wore a pig mask Makaela had made in school and wrapped myself in a blanket (Pig in a Blanket).

After school I got the girls dressed (Makaela was Rapunzel and Mia was a ladybug) and we headed over to the Weidas for the second annual Treat or Treating Gala. This year our group grew considerably with the addition of the 2010 babies.

 Some costumes were shared so we had a replay of the Little Mermaid, the Strawberry Fairy, and the Ladybug and all the kids looked adorable. This year the parents didn't dress up, but we were pretty busy chasing after little ones.The kids really were lazy trick or treaters. They rode most of the way in the wagons and it was more of a work out for the parents. Mia got the royal treatment the entire time (of course she can't walk so we had no choice :-)

Our entire gang

Fall Festival at the Park

A new park opened up recently, but they just added a dog park (just in time for us to move...great), so they had an animal themed fall festival. Makaela got to ride the pony, pet goats, a pig, rabbits and bounce in the bouncy house with her friends. It was nice to get out for a bit and have some adult conversation too.

Makaela in the mini petting zoo



Makaela looked a bit unsure getting on the pony

But she warmed up really quickly

Need Some Prayers

A friend of mine is very sick. She is one of my best friends and perhaps my "oldest" friendship. Caroline and I have been friends since before I can remember. Our moms used to bowl together so by age 2, we were meeting up at the bowling alley's babysitting room and soon after, her mom starting babysitting me. Her home was my second home, her family, my second family. Right now she is in a coma after suffering a cardiac arrest and it is very difficult to be so far away from her right now. She has an amazing little 3 year old daughter and for the past 36 hours, I have been praying that she will wake up fine and be reunited with her daughter and her family. It makes me realize how grateful I am for my family's health and realized how precious life is. Caroline is only 33 and she has so much more to experience. I'm not sure I could have been the person I am today if I hadn't had her in my life. Please say a prayer for her.

Here are some oldies, but goodies- This one is from a party we went to. The cardigan I was wearing was a "borrow" from her sister's closet (we were constantly getting into trouble from "borrowing" from her sister's closet). This one was from our second skiing trip. We took the gondola up but didn't get off on the right stop so ended up on a black diamond. We had to shimmy down on our butts b/c we couldn't handle the slope. At one point the ice was so bad we started spinning (even though we were on our butts) and couldn't claw into the hill fast enough. Ski patrol helped us down, but we were already to a point that we didn't really need them. Just love Caroline's blue outfit . She was also in my wedding party, and really stepped up to do the maid of honor duties (my sister was only 16 and was sick the night of my wedding). Caroline carried my make-up, was constantly fixing my dress and even held up my dress when I needed to go to the bathroom (yes, TMI, but that was how close we are).

And here are our girls together: